Hello World!
Tough times don’t last, tough people do. – Robert Schuller
My name is Ciana ‘Ci’, and I am an alcoholic. I’ve struggled with addiction for most of my life. As a teenager I experimented with drugs and alcohol but was always able to stop using drugs without any significant withdrawals or impact. Alcohol on the other hand, was not so easy.
I’ve maintained sobriety in the past for long periods of time but always given in to ‘one drink’. For those of us suffering from addiction you know that one drink is too many, and one more is never enough. I wanted this time to be different, I needed this time to be different, because no matter how much I lied to myself and tried to lie to everyone else, I could see the effects in every aspect of my life.
So, I went to rehab! I started journaling as part of my daily routine in rehab. I kept thinking about something I heard there that really resonated with me. I watched a recording of Brene Brown who said, “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” I don’t know if this blog will become someone else’s survival guide or just my journal to reflect back on later, I will be stronger for it either way.
May you be sober and happy always! Ci
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Freedom Isn’t Free
08.22.25 A lot of powerful things were shared tonight on the topic of Freedom: what I lost and what I gained. For so long, I thought drinking gave me freedom—freedom from pain, fear, and responsibility. In reality, I had lost my connections with family and friends, isolated myself, and convinced myself I was “free” because
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Wrong Forecast Again
08.21.25 Today feels like one of those days where nothing seems to line up right. The saying, “If it was raining dicks, I’d get hit in the head with a tit,” pretty much sums it up. I’ve been running non-stop these past couple of weeks—between work and personal life, it feels like there’s always something
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Dying of a Broken Heart
8.20.25 Chevy girl has been weighing on my heart. Since Tyson passed unexpectedly at the end of April, she hasn’t been the same. Her health is slowly slipping, and her spirit feels dimmer. She’s grieving, and watching it unfold has stirred up old memories for me. I think of my grandparents. Both of my grandfathers
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Holding Back the Storm
8.19.25 Some days I feel like I’m barely holding it together. Today was one of those days. My patience was stretched so thin I could feel it snapping inside me. My chest got tight, my jaw locked, and I could feel the heat rising in my face. That old part of me—the part that wants