Hello World!
Tough times don’t last, tough people do. – Robert Schuller
My name is Ciana ‘Ci’, and I am an alcoholic. I’ve struggled with addiction for most of my life. As a teenager I experimented with drugs and alcohol but was always able to stop using drugs without any significant withdrawals or impact. Alcohol on the other hand, was not so easy.
I’ve maintained sobriety in the past for long periods of time but always given in to ‘one drink’. For those of us suffering from addiction you know that one drink is too many, and one more is never enough. I wanted this time to be different, I needed this time to be different, because no matter how much I lied to myself and tried to lie to everyone else, I could see the effects in every aspect of my life.
So, I went to rehab! I started journaling as part of my daily routine in rehab. I kept thinking about something I heard there that really resonated with me. I watched a recording of Brene Brown who said, “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” I don’t know if this blog will become someone else’s survival guide or just my journal to reflect back on later, I will be stronger for it either way.
May you be sober and happy always! Ci
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Laying It Down
04.05.26 I didn’t write last weekend, and I felt a little guilty about it, but I needed a reset. Life has just been…lifey. Not bad, not falling apart, just shifting. Moving. Changing. Change used to wreck me. I’d go straight to worst-case scenario, let anxiety take over, convince myself everything was about to fall apart.
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Rocks
03.24.26 I’ve been in a mood lately. Not loud and explosive. Just a steady, grinding irritation humming under everything. Restless, discontent, easily thrown off by things that don’t fucking matter. The kind of state AA describes perfectly. When I’m not spiritually right, I end up irritable, restless, and discontent as a baseline. There’s no major
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Wrestling With Faith
03.15.26 When people talk about trusting in a Power greater than themselves, it sounds good on paper. It’s easy to nod along when life is smooth. But when something inside you is hurting, the deep kind of hurt that sits in your chest and won’t move, faith suddenly feels like a lot to ask. Part
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You’re Going on My 4th Step
03.08.26 Lately I’ve been doing a lot of Fourth Step work. The whole reason for it is fear, looking honestly at the things that drive it and the ways it has shaped my thinking and behavior. It isn’t always comfortable to dig that deep, but I know it’s necessary if I want to stay spiritually